ay blog.

imma fill you in. Please excuse any mistakes, trying to blog drunk isn't exactly the easiest thing. But my 'crush' my ex 4 years ago? yes yes him. We started dating! And I just called it off today! baahaha. Me and my fucking issues. You know!? Long story short. I just need to get this off my chest. and not to him obviously. Because I don't want to give him that kind of power right now. But, sitting here drunk stalking his facebook I find myself missing his kids? His two fucking boys that i've never even met!? WTF is up with that? In all honesty I just thought about how big of a hassle they would be. My kid is hassle enough. fucking two more? yeah. fuck that. But now looking at pictures of them. I can't help but be sad. Sad I won't ever ever meet them. Sad I won't ever know them. Sad I won't ever love them. Sad I won't ever be their step mom. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Might of over stepped that last one. But how can I suddenly feel this love for his kids!? Did it take the thought of loosing them to feel like I care about them. And want them in my life? I just want to hold them. God. I'm a fucking creep. Thank god i'm the only one who reads this shit. & thank god for fucking spell check. it's saving my life right now. But yeah. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm freaking out right now about not only loosing him, but loosing them.