Day One.

Day 01; Your current relationship status, how’s that going for you?

My name is Shantel, and I've been single for a year and 10 months. I convinced myself it was what I wanted. I use to get attached to quickly, rush things, always focus on being with someone. I'd end up spending so much time in relationships that never went anywhere. Because I never should have gotten in them to begin with. Or stayed in them after they hurt me. After my last relationship that was about a year and a half, I decided I wouldn't rush or stay in a relationship like that again. I think my main eye opener was my daughter. I had a man in her life everyday for a year, someone consistent, someone she depended on. And he was taken away in an instant. And she struggled with it for months. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to her. Luckily she was young enough, and after a couple months she couldn't recognize his pictures, or even recall his name. But I was terrified of hurting her again, hurting me again. So I decided to be single for awhile, figure out me. And I can't regret it. I do feel like that was the right choice at the time. But I just got so distant from relationships, I still built walls and don't let people in. It's so hard for me to even think about being a relationship now. Even though deep down, I know that I want one. My current crush, if you've read my past blogs you'll know is an ex from 4 years ago. And he's really opened my eyes about how much I've changed. And even if that's where our relationship ends, i'll be happy with it. I'm glad someone has shown me that I'm not this person, I'm not this person who can't open up and share her emotions. I'm not someone who shuts down, and doesn't let anyone in. I don't want to be vulnerable, but I also don't want to be alone.