I'm going insane.

Why do I ONLY WANT what I can't have? I have absolutely NO INTEREST in it at all. But the second I realize it doesn't want me. Or that I can't have it. I INSTANTLY want it. More then anything on earth. This is something that's embedded in us from birth. Children always have toys they could care less about, but then when someone else wants it. They want it. They don't want to share. It's theirs. I guess this isn't exactly the same. Obviously it's about a boy. I don't want him because someone else wants him. I want him because he doesn't want me. And the more he rejects me, the more I want him. I'm literally going insane. He's all that I think about. I use to think I missed this feeling. But now that I have it. I liked being a cynical ass hole who only used men for their bodies.