I hate being a girl.

I don't know if it's because I'm PMS-ing or I'm just tired of being alone. But I've been acting more like a 'girl' this last week than I've ever done in my entire life. Over thinking everything. Letting my emotions get the best of me. Stressing over everything he does or doesn't do. I've spent YEARS trying to break myself of this behavior. And I have to say I've gotten pretty good at it. Probably to good. Too good at putting up walls, keeping a safe distance, never having feelings. Thinking to logically, never even letting myself feel those emotions that use to once take over my life. But then it's like a light switch. And I feel just like I use to feel. And I'm not sure that I can say I like this better. I like to feel things. I like to have emotions, I like letting people in. But I need a good balance. Why can't I find that balance?